I used to

I used to be happy,

I was not this angry or snappy.

Now I struggle to get out of bed,

But they tell me it is all in my head.

 

I used to feel loved,

Now I don’t feel it enough.

Instead they make me feel like a problem,

As if I do not know how far I have fallen.

 

I used to love myself, every flaw.

But now everything feels red raw.

My heart is broken, literally and figuratively,

And my emotions unstoppable, embarrassingly.

 

I used to believe,

In things that cannot be seen.

Now I appear not to care.

Can you not see that I am just scared?

 

I used to have everything I needed,

Now I wish I could be deleted.

Take their memories with me,

So I stop feeling so guilty.

 

I used to gaze up at the stars,

Thankful. But now I am covered in scars

What do I have to be thankful for?

There is nothing left anymore.

 

I used to be happy.

Now I’m stuck in my own anxiety.

I just want you to see,

This PTSD is not me.

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